Ya know, this blog isn't for me to complain about my life, my emotions, men, or any of that crap. But for some reason, it still seems to happen, so here we go again. Brace yourself.
When I was in high-school, I had fairly high self-esteem. I mean, it wasn't perfect by any means, but I was comfortable with me and the person I saw not only directly in the mirror, but also who was underneath the image reflecting back at me. I had goals, I loved the gospel, I had a great family, etc. I began to date, get into trouble, and I found myself accepting the lowest forms of love from those I desperately wanted attention from. My self-esteem dropped to an ultimate low point and in a cry for help, I persistently pursued the negative attention I was receiving to, well, have just any form of attention. As a result, I've had self-esteem issues for many years. I think most girls struggle with this (and guys too for that matter, but society doesn't talk of that much). I struggle with it on deep levels. I have triggers. I expect certain responses and gestures from guys as a result of previous experiences. My mission for the LDS church was a great healing time for me. I prayed more than I ever had to see the beauty I posses as an individual. I sought priesthood council and read the words of modern day prophets to boost my self-esteem and heal my wounds. Healing came, but not to full extent. I came home from my mission and began the dating process all over again. I found myself allowing closed wounds to reopen. This time it wasn't any boys fault, it was my own. I was a victim, and acted as such. I still have scars, yes. But I don't need to re-open the wound by telling myself that I'm not worth anything. I found myself chasing guys and thinking "do they like me? do they want me? am I good enough?" Instead of "do I like them? do I want them? are they good enough?" I think sometimes, we as human beings with an innate desire to feel secure with another person, forget to see what's really good for ourselves. I know I've personally done that, and it's done nothing but tear me further down. So what I've realized, FINALLY, is that I am beautiful and worthwhile. I deserve to have everything I desire and it's about what I want! This is my eternal well-being at stake and you better believe I get a good say in whether or not I like him. I know I know. It's silly of me to finally say that all. But it finally clicked. I am worth something. So are you. So is your bestfriend. So is your mom, your dad, your cousin, and that random person you don't like to see on campus because they dress funny and pick their nose. We all have value and seeing that opens up millions of doors.
So recognize your beauty. Recognize it's not about whether or not someone likes you, but whether or not you like them. What is best for you? Go find it. Today. And make it worth while.